NKA Elaine's Blog

May 9, 2012

How to create a biohazard in your very own bathroom

Filed under: Uncategorized — nkaelaine @ 3:43 pm

Morning has arrived and my PD has conspired with dawn to piss me off.

I hadn’t disposed of last nights final two drains and began my drain and fill this morning. In the midst of preparation I got distracted and forgot to clamp the fill line, then noticed that my drain bag was filling too fast. Sonofa! I recouped, clamped it and finished my drain. I had to grab a new bag and weight all three bags to figure out how much to put on.

Whew. Got that done…at least moderately successfully.

I take my IV pole to the bathroom. On the way there, I discovered the maximum weight the pole will hold before collapsing on itself. Six thousand grams, FYI.

In to the bathroom. I put the drain lines in the toilet and get the bright idea to raise the pole back up. I guess I must have raised it too far. You know that scene in any number of 80’s movies where the intrepid fish-out-of-water hero has a fight with a hose that gets out of control? Yeah, that kind of happened with my IV drain and the bathroom.

At one point, after bending over to wipe the floor with my back to the shower, I stand up to have not only my underwear and nightgown in my butt crack, but the bright green flowered shower curtain too.

The towels are in the laundry. The floor has been disinfected. Now I just have to check with the CDC to get my new biohazard control assignment.


He sat in a terribly prickly place

Filed under: Uncategorized — nkaelaine @ 6:20 am

I know, its stupid that I feel so hopeless. There is a world full of people who are so much worse off than me. I have a friend, one of the coolest kids I’ve ever met, who has lived with heart disease her entire life. I’m sure she’d knock me up side the head for the dumpster feelings I’m having.

I’m just so tired and its five days in. I am bloated and uncomfortable. Clearly, I’m also whiney and bitchy.

I’m being coached through applying for disability, social security, Medicaid, and medicare. Have i mentioned that this kinda makes me a failure in my heart because I should be able to take care of myself, to support myself. After all,that’s what adults do, isn’t it?

On top of it as a treacherous place to be. I get letters from different social agencies nearly every day. Some verify information incorrectly. Some are denying benefits based on my first application. An application which the social worker at the hospital said was fine. I have to call and visit her to find out what’s going on each time I get a new letter. Some of them are requesting I file more forms, despite having given them all the information previously. Did you realize that you have to make copies of everything you send in? Because they get crap wrong. I just love the from that requests you work history for the previous 15 years.

Yeah, I said it.

I recognize that sometimes things have to be difficult to serve as a deterrent for fraud, but come on, I’m honest. It pains me to become dependent on the state. I don’t know what to do or how to feel.


May 7, 2012

What they didn’t tell me before starting Peritoneal Dialysis

Filed under: Uncategorized — nkaelaine @ 4:38 pm
Tags: , ,

The setup seems simple: four exchanges a day, it takes about half an hour each time.


Well, my tube is obstructed or in a bad position or something because it takes me an hour just to drain. An hour. The surgeon who implanted my sci-fi project has decided its my fault because I’m fat. Okay, he didn’t actually say “fat” he said “overweight”. But when someone has the cojones to blame mystery pockets of fatty tissue on your implant not working when it doesn’t make anatomical sense, we all know he meant fat. He also doesn’t want to fix it without getting paid up front. I call him Snidley in my head.

Let’s just start with the obvious. There is no way it is feasible to work in an office to which I’d have to lug my IV pole, at least two bags of dextrose (because you should have an emergency supply in case you get stranded), several needles & syringes, medication vials, and miscellaneous supplies including sanitary wipes. Not to mention the two exchanges I’d have to do during the work day. That half hour becomes more like 1 1/2-2 hours each time.

I go through a roll of paper towels every four days. I have to find a way to dispose of the needles. The stronger solution makes me feel bloated and uncomfortable. If my drain time doesn’t improve, I’ll have to do exchanges manually until I get a transplant (which requires way more money than I’ll have without a big lottery haul).

It may have only been four days so far, but I dread the alarm for the next exchange.

I guess I feel a little resentful and angry that I don’t magically have the free time in the brochures. I just started this trek and I haven’t thought too much about anything. I’ve just been following instructions.

It really is a ton of work that terrifies me each time I do it. But, I have to do it because I can’t stand the thought of having them drain my blood and cycle it through a machine for four hours at a time.

June 15, 2011

To quote Swing Time

Filed under: Uncategorized — nkaelaine @ 4:06 pm

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.

What was your dream? To lay on a beach writing and have voiceovers maybe support your writing until it could support you. Consider this a new manifesto.

How are you going to be the female strait James Baldwin crying in bed?

Get up. Screw let go and let God. Let go and let you.

God just loves to help by testing: “God help me be patient!”

What? More trials?

“Please, I really want this job!”

Aww! So much for that!

I’m not dismissing you lord, I just keep forgetting that if you let war happen, then sure as shootin’ free-will will have everything to do with what I keep saying is my dream job. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t sell it. I may have been perfect for the position, but I’m not sure that it was perfect for me.

Make a plan and see it through.

Oh, and don’t forget to breathe.

November 21, 2010

Hey you

Filed under: Uncategorized — nkaelaine @ 4:00 pm

Insignificant Observer

Filed under: Uncategorized — nkaelaine @ 3:55 pm

i lie here

gazing, watching the sky

for a sign

that i am for a moment,

an instant,



i become rather,

part of something tremendous,

larger than time.


my world is moving

and yet i am unaware

i am restless                i look out

the star fire

licks at my face

washing all away

cleansing my heart


i breathe deeply.


i sit in wonderment,

for i am watching

time begin


i am part of it.

    if a tree falls…

    without my witness

    time would stand still.


November 20, 2010

I wonder…

Filed under: Uncategorized — nkaelaine @ 12:25 am

In a world where it seems we are always fighting, always decrying some injustice, are the right fights being picked?

I came across a letter being circulated on Facebook. It was penned by an ER doctor as an open letter to the White House. It turns out that the letter is real. The doctor is Dr. Roger Starner Jones who wrote a letter to the editor of the Mississippi Clarion Ledger in Jackson, MS. He wrote of his disdain for seeming abuses of Medicare and of his aversion to the prospect of socialized medicine in the U.S. He whined about a patient he identified as being on Medicare while having expensive looking tattoos, gold teeth, and admitted to a diet mainly of fast food. His supposition was that if she could pay for tattoos, then she must be rooking the system. Um, yeah. Would this be the same system that doctors and hospitals reportedly overbill on a regular basis?

He has a problem with his tax dollars supporting her lifestyle choices. Funny, I have a problem with medical professionals who reveal enough information about a patient that at very least her friends and family might surmise her identity. The last HIPPA for I signed stated that my information was private. I was under the impression that HIPPA laws were national, or at least standard.

At very least this woman has a right to privacy and should be able to assume that her ER doctor would not be disclosing her information to the world. And yet, this letter has been travelling the globe being touted as a perfect example of righteous indignation over the boogeyman called socialized medicine. I have yet to hear anyone besides me have a problem with a doctor violating a patient’s confidence regardless of her circumstances.

The thing about assistance is that, governmental or not, a cushion of some sort is built in and you cannot control how people use that cushion. As for Dr. Starner’s ascertation that she could have used the money to get her own insurance coverage, it is clear that he overestimates the cash this woman may have and underestimates the cost of private insurance.

Ultimately, the need for debate on public healthcare is vitally important. What becomes most important is the need for the debate to be civilized and respectful of individuals’ opinions and privacy.

September 29, 2010


Filed under: Uncategorized — nkaelaine @ 4:39 pm

I wander as I wonder. Really I do. My initial goal was to have a theme. After all, everyone has to have a theme. But, I am plagued with musings that wander. I jump topics during conversations. Why should my blog be any different? Hence, my theme is the meanderings of my mind. Enjoy.

September 15, 2010

News Worthy?

Filed under: Uncategorized — nkaelaine @ 4:03 am

Getting ready in the morning and checking my email is always a minefield of distraction. You know what? Scratch that. Checking my email is always a minefield of distraction. This morning, I stepped right onto one. The headline on the Yahoo! Homepage reads: Jets addressing alleged harassment of female reporter. Nuts! I’m going to have to read that!

Here’s sort of the jist: Inés Sainz of the Mexican television network TV Azteca, claimed that she was harassed by players and coaches in practice and in the team’s locker room last Saturday. From the New York Times:

The New York Post reported that during drills, Dennis Thurman, the team’s defensive backs coach, purposely overthrew passes that landed near Sainz on the sideline. The Post also reported that linebacker Jason Taylor(notes) volunteered to join the defensive backs. Players also reportedly made sexually suggestive comments in the locker room after practice. […]

In a statement released by the Jets, [team owner Woody] Johnson stressed to Sainz that “he expects all members of the Jets organization to conduct themselves in a professional manner at all times.” (Farrar, Doug)

There are women, many of them still around and reporting who have had to deal with harassment that got lewd and violent when they first tried to enter locker rooms. There were players and coaches who refused to let female reporters in the locker rooms because it was unseemly and their space. We have reached a point when women are actually allowed in the locker rooms to do interviews and are at very least being filmed being treated like professionals. What’s kind of funny to me about this is that men aren’t allowed in to women’s locker rooms. That is still considered a “no-man’s land” but men are expected to not only ignore a woman in the locker room, but also adjust their behavior to suit someone’s delicate sensibilities. I find these two concepts a tad…mmm…contradictory.

For a female reporter to say/tweet: “I die of embarrassment!” Sainz wrote in Spanish on her Twitter account. “I am in the locker room of the Jets waiting for Mark Sanchez(notes) while trying not to look to anywhere!”. Seriously?! She was in their friggin’ locker room! I realize I may be agreeing with Kris Jenkins reported remarks out of context, but you have to expect nudity and a certain amount of crassness and immaturity. Does that make anything said in a locker room okay? Not really. However if I was to walk into a biker bar in Kentucky, I’d expect certain things to be said. It is their space after all, and quite honestly, you have to expect a certain amount of immaturity to occur in a locker room. As a matter of fact, suck it up! It seems (at least in my skewed opinion) there was some juvenile behavior on both sides of the story.

In high school, we talked about a myriad of vulgar topics usually about whoever we thought was cute in the stands and about the line judges, the opposing team’s coaches…whoever crossed our filthy little minds. Look, I get it. We were in high school and these guys are professional players and adults. They should have been taught how to act when ladies are present. That being said, reporters should be sexless, regardless of how attractive whatever players, coaches, co-workers, producers, and viewers may seem to believe or react to. Sexless, meaning that I don’t care whose locker room you walk into, leave your sexuality and any delicate sensibilities at the door.

Based on this report, they were definitely being jerks and behaving in a truly immature way with the excessive showing off near her and trying to get her attention. It does seem just a little hypocritical to take them to task for a lack of professionalism on the sidelines in practice when her tweet was just as immature and unprofessional. Pot meet kettle, now play nice.

I do want to make sure I point out that the lewd behavior in the locker room is uncalled for and, well, stupid.

You players, and quite honestly everyone who uses a locker room, remember that not everyone wants to see your naked behind. Realize that some people, even when they are changing right next to you, are uncomfortable with nakedness in every situation regardless of sex.

You reporters, and quite honestly anyone who gets ahead even in part because of their looks, suck it up. This is not real news. Yes, they behaved badly. But this incident downplays the importance of actual harassment. The person who gets purposely flashed is the person who should complain.

UPDATE: So, okay I got to see more coverage of the “story”, including video of what Sainz was wearing. What I got from her interview on the Early Show, it was other people who said something (and don’t get me started on the perils and evils of the witness lodging the complaint). As for people who feel the need to play “blame the victim” by claiming the she was dressed inappropriately, she probably should have buttoned a couple more buttons on her top, but her outfit was fine.


August 2, 2010

Hello world!

Filed under: Uncategorized — nkaelaine @ 6:15 pm

This my be craziness. I don’t believe in blogging. It seems too easy. A self contained forum that holds everyone accountable save the author. One can blog without research and simply editorialize in an inflammatory manner without sense of repercussions. That being said, I must admit that I’m intrigued and terrified of this medium. I’ll try to keep it to prose, but if I wax poetic, don’t hate.

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