NKA Elaine's Blog

May 9, 2012

He sat in a terribly prickly place

Filed under: Uncategorized — nkaelaine @ 6:20 am

I know, its stupid that I feel so hopeless. There is a world full of people who are so much worse off than me. I have a friend, one of the coolest kids I’ve ever met, who has lived with heart disease her entire life. I’m sure she’d knock me up side the head for the dumpster feelings I’m having.

I’m just so tired and its five days in. I am bloated and uncomfortable. Clearly, I’m also whiney and bitchy.

I’m being coached through applying for disability, social security, Medicaid, and medicare. Have i mentioned that this kinda makes me a failure in my heart because I should be able to take care of myself, to support myself. After all,that’s what adults do, isn’t it?

On top of it as a treacherous place to be. I get letters from different social agencies nearly every day. Some verify information incorrectly. Some are denying benefits based on my first application. An application which the social worker at the hospital said was fine. I have to call and visit her to find out what’s going on each time I get a new letter. Some of them are requesting I file more forms, despite having given them all the information previously. Did you realize that you have to make copies of everything you send in? Because they get crap wrong. I just love the from that requests you work history for the previous 15 years.

Yeah, I said it.

I recognize that sometimes things have to be difficult to serve as a deterrent for fraud, but come on, I’m honest. It pains me to become dependent on the state. I don’t know what to do or how to feel.

Autopilot.

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